The ironic realities of making a neocities website

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I have a confession...

Ok something is slightly concerning me the idea of creating a neocities website, in that it is giving me too much personal fulfillment and I’m kinda addicted to it. I initially stopped using social media because it was taking up all my time, and now I got this other thing which feels great to work on but is *also* taking majority of my free time, probably too much since I still don’t get as much done as I should. Retrospectively, no shit I got addicted to something I’ve been craving, what makes me want to waste my time anyways?

I think I came up with several explanations: escapism, achievement, acknowledgement, it might be multiple or all of them I’m not sure. Were going full mega pretentiousness here.

the three. horsemen of wasting my time

Escapism

I use this website as a space of escapism to disconnect from the realities. While creating, I would forget the weight of my responsibilities. In a sense, this would be more powerful than reels or shorts or whatever because this creates an illusion of productivity, making it much less guilt-free and in turn, wasting more of my time

Achievement

I’m sure that if you saw this, you probably have created something, whether sketches, websites. You might also know that it feels pretty decent getting your head around things, like that feeling when you walk back and absorb that sense of accomplishment? Yeah that’s 20 minutes gone for me.

Acknowledgement

If it hasn’t been clear already, I take a lot of pride in my works and that I would love to share shit and get a couple of compliments tossed on the stage. It feels quite nice for me when others could appreciate things I’ve made. I find it quite weird though that sometimes I would go lengths to achieve this, like that’s one of the core motivation for me when I first started 3d modeling. Learning new skills isn’t quick though.

In short...

Creation is at odds with productivity and the philosophy with efficiency. I’m an artist though so fuck the latter.